Fookleyur Book of Changes   

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I've replaced your regular port-a-potty with a can of Folgers coffee. 

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I've replaced the dead sea scrolls with the biographies of Menudo, The New Kids on the Block, and the Back Street Boys. 

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I've replaced your favorite racing smock with an autographed picture of Ayn Rand. 

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I've replaced your sweet tooth, with a yearning for Aunt Bea.

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I've replaced the stench of death with Martha Stewart's recipe for fresh Curble Sphincter Salad.

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I've replaced a super absorbent tampon with a satchel of trained leaf hoppers.



 
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bulletI've replaced your power tool batteries with balls of cantaloupe (muskmelon to you Rush Limbaugh fans) and honeydew melon. 
bulletI've replaced your fat rotting pumpkin, with my cat's rifle.
bulletI've replaced your sturdy polish wife, with a whiny Jewish teenager.
bulletI've replaced the green mucus in your handkerchief, with a steel shelving unit.
bulletI've replaced Windows NT, with a tribe of rude pygmies.
bulletI've replaced your wooden bowling ball, with the plastic head of Doug Graham.
bulletI've replaced Michael Jackson and Prince, with a cheap sex toy that looks like it's part of a chicken's entrails.
bulletI've replaced Julia Robert, Uma Thurman, and Sara Jessica Parker, with attractive women.
bulletI've replaced Ross Perot's ears, with dinner plates.

 

   
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  Fookleyur Book of Changes continued
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I've replaced little Black Sambo, Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben, with Clutch Cargo, Super Car, and the sound of a wise man eating a fresh mushroom.

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I've replaced dirty old men masturbating in the park, with dirty old men masturbating in the public library.

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I've replaced clip on ties and pocket protectors and body odor with, just body odor and maybe a Klingon dictionary.

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I've repeatedly replaced hippie chicks, with the Lords of Acid, LSD, pot, and a porno video I heard about on the Howard Stern show. 

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I've replaced the Prince of Persia with a fat guy named Louie.

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I've replaced "dope" "kicking" "down" and "fresh" with "Get the fuck off my property you little punk motherfucker".

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I've replaced the 2 prong extension cord adapter with a recipe for tree bark.

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I've replaced a box of chicken augmented by a breaded rodent with a carrot that starred in a porno movie.

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  Fookleyur Book of Changes continued

bulletI've replaced Jane Fonda, with lemonade squeezed from a roach motel.
bulletI've replaced Preparation H with the combined talent of the women on "The View".
bulletI've replaced Cheech and Chong with Marion Barry.
bulletI've replaced Pam Anderson's plastic titties, with the Village of Mount Carmel and my favorite pair of bedroom slippers.
bulletI've replaced Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Dr. Who, Are You Being Served, and Black Adder, with Ellen. (Hey if you don't like it, get cable)
bulletI've replaced a telescope that peeks into my neighbor's windows, with a landlord who'll replace all my windows with 2 way mirrors. Shouldn't that be 1.5 ways?

copyright 1999 Fookleyur   Fookleyur Book of Changes continued

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